My last baby turned two last week, and even though I was certain I was done having babies from the minute he was born I’ve been having the “maybe just one more…” thoughts lately. I always knew I wanted to have at least two babies, and when Calvin was born, something told me we weren’t done. And then Quincy surprised us not too long after that. But three kids, two really close in age, and a baby that had colic and reflux and wakes up with the roosters (still) just about did me in. I have felt ‘done’ for two years. But my health is starting to finally improve, and with it comes thoughts like “I could do this again.” And I have no doubt that I could. Sometimes I wonder if my having those thoughts means I’m not done — that another baby is meant to join our family — or if I will always have those thoughts. I think a small part of me will always yearn to have a tiny baby in my arms. To wear a baby wrapped close to my body. To feed and nurture a life at my breast. I know some women just know when they’re done and they feel good about that. I thought I was one of them after Quincy. But something in the back of my mind keeps pulling at me. And it doesn’t help that Charlie keeps asking for another baby. Actually he doesn’t ask, he just says that we’ll be having one more very matter of factly. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not 100% sure either way, and I’m not 100% sure I’ll ever be 100% sure…
I mean, LOOK AT THOSE BABIES! If age and money and exhaustion weren’t factors I would have more in a heartbeat. But I’m 39 and I’m tired and I want to be able to give the three kids I have the attention and focus and sane mom they deserve. And I want to give my husband the sane wife he deserves. And I want to be sane 🙂 But the ache. I think part of me will always want another baby. But I realized I have enough kids. I only have one still in diapers. I don’t have to do newborn all-nighters anymore. Someday in the somewhat near future we’ll able to go places again — vacation and brunch and things I miss. Even as I type this I realize that our family is complete. I feel it. And while I’m sad that the pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding phase of my motherhood journey is behind me, I know it is time to move on to the next chapter. The raising + adventuring chapter where I watch my boys grow up. It’s scary, and I think as long as you have a baby it doesn’t feel like your kids are growing up so fast or that you are aging so fast right along side them. But each phase of motherhood is beautiful and magical it its own way. I’m trying to be at peace with the transition and present in the new phase. I’m grateful I get to experience each of them.
What about you? How many kids do you hope to have? One, three…? Do you and your partner want the same number of kids? Are you still in the pregnancy/childbirth phase, or have you transitioned to the next chapter? Have you decided that you’re done having babies or are you still struggling with that decision? Or do you want children but conceiving is an issue or hardship? I would love to hear your experiences and thoughts on the subject! If you are done having babies, how did you know you were done?
We just had our second and are done for many reasons, even though I love the *idea* of having more kids. For one thing we financially are good with two. And we don’t have any support system where we live (far from family and have no friends nearby although we will meet some new ones eventually). In my mind I would love to have three but have to accept that I have limits on how much I can emotionally mentally physically handle…. It’s a tough thing to accept but its real! Rather than be stressed financially and for time by adding more kids I think it’s healthier to focus on my marriage and hobbies. Personally it will make me a better mother. The other thing I can’t get out of my mind is the state of our world! Environmentally we are in a bad place…. If we do have time and money left over after having two children I would like to devote myself to giving back to causes I believe in. adoption is an option! Everyone is different but no, the urges might not ever completely go away. It is up to each of us to make our own decision and accept responsibility for it. I hope you find some peace with yours 🙂 I love following you on instagram! Good luck the rest of this winter. Summer is going to be so fun!!
I totally agree with this perspective and it is exactly why we’re done too — to focus our resources on the kids we have and on our marriage and ourselves. If we lived in LA I wouldn’t even consider it, but now in Columbus with lower costs and family within 2 hours, it is more manageable of an idea. But I’m looking forward to the next stages as well.
This is a timely post since I’ve been asking myself the same question for the last year or so. We have two girls (4.5 and 1.5). The other day, we were having a lazy day and I looked around and realized I felt so full and happy and I was really looking forward to the coming months/years with just the four of us… when we only had one, our family just felt unfinished.
also, sometimes a little pregnancy ‘scare’ helps solidify the decision.
Ha! I’m sure that’s true 🙂 Like when Phoebe tricks Rachel to see how she really feels (on Friends if the reference is too old for you!)
I’m a mother of 5 sons and now a grandmother of 7 grandsons and 2 granddaughters. While pregnant with #5, my husband and I decided that we would not have anymore. All 5 were planned. I had a tubal ligation. A few years later I longed to have a miraculous pregnancy. But I knew my energies needed to go to the 5 sons we had. 20 years after my last pregnancy I became a grandma! Worth the wait!! Don’t regret not having a sixth – I think I was just mourning the passing of a stage of my life. We do that all the time. Btw your mother in law used to watch my 4th son while I went to my doctor’s appointments with the 5th. 😊
Wow, what a small world 🙂 And yes, I’d say you needed ALL THE ENERGY! I’m running on empty with three boys!
I have one and had a suuuuper rough pregnancy which makes me think, my goodness I don’t know if I could ever do that again. And now, my husband has a new demanding job and I think, wow could I newborn again solo without losing my shit? Probably not? Part of me thinks that when my son is a bit older (he’s 13 months now) we might make room…. but the pregnancy thing. I’m terrified. I almost want to adopt four more children… being so alone in motherhood right now without a lot of family nearby wants a big family for my son. SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT!!!
There is! And I think sometimes things just work out how they were supposed to. We definitely were’t trying for Quincy, and look at us now 🙂
We have three kids, I thought after three I would feel complete especially because our last one was finally my baby girl. But it doesn’t, both my husband and I wouldn’t mind another baby, but with money and space in our house it probably won’t happen and my daughter just turned two and I’m still carrying an extra 30 pounds that I can’t seem to lose:( It just isn’t going to happen, but I would love to have a fourth.