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Quincy's Birth Story | Oh Lovely Day

My last baby turned two last week, and even though I was certain I was done having babies from the minute he was born I’ve been having the “maybe just one more…” thoughts lately. I always knew I wanted to have at least two babies, and when Calvin was born, something told me we weren’t done. And then Quincy surprised us not too long after that. But three kids, two really close in age, and a baby that had colic and reflux and wakes up with the roosters (still) just about did me in. I have felt ‘done’ for two years. But my health is starting to finally improve, and with it comes thoughts like “I could do this again.” And I have no doubt that I could. Sometimes I wonder if my having those thoughts means I’m not done — that another baby is meant to join our family — or if I will always have those thoughts. I think a small part of me will always yearn to have a tiny baby in my arms. To wear a baby wrapped close to my body. To feed and nurture a life at my breast. I know some women just know when they’re done and they feel good about that. I thought I was one of them after Quincy. But something in the back of my mind keeps pulling at me. And it doesn’t help that Charlie keeps asking for another baby. Actually he doesn’t ask, he just says that we’ll be having one more very matter of factly. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not 100% sure either way, and I’m not 100% sure I’ll ever be 100% sure…

one mom's experience with postpartum depressionmy experience with postpartum depressionCalvin's birth story | Oh Lovely Day Calvin's birth story | Oh Lovely Day Quincy's Birth Story | Oh Lovely Day

Quincy's Newborn Session + brother photos | Oh Lovely DayNursing While Babywearing | Oh Lovely Day

I mean, LOOK AT THOSE BABIES! If age and money and exhaustion weren’t factors I would have more in a heartbeat. But I’m 39 and I’m tired and I want to be able to give the three kids I have the attention and focus and sane mom they deserve. And I want to give my husband the sane wife he deserves. And I want to be sane 🙂 But the ache. I think part of me will always want another baby. But I realized I have enough kids. I only have one still in diapers. I don’t have to do newborn all-nighters anymore. Someday in the somewhat near future we’ll able to go places again — vacation and brunch and things I miss. Even as I type this I realize that our family is complete. I feel it. And while I’m sad that the pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding phase of my motherhood journey is behind me, I know it is time to move on to the next chapter. The raising + adventuring chapter where I watch my boys grow up. It’s scary, and I think as long as you have a baby it doesn’t feel like your kids are growing up so fast or that you are aging so fast right along side them. But each phase of motherhood is beautiful and magical it its own way. I’m trying to be at peace with the transition and present in the new phase. I’m grateful I get to experience each of them.

Quincy's Newborn Session + brother photos | Oh Lovely Day

What about you? How many kids do you hope to have? One, three…? Do you and your partner want the same number of kids? Are you still in the pregnancy/childbirth phase, or have you transitioned to the next chapter? Have you decided that you’re done having babies or are you still struggling with that decision? Or do you want children but conceiving is an issue or hardship? I would love to hear your experiences and thoughts on the subject! If you are done having babies, how did you know you were done?

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